I awoke to discover I was not dead,
instead the calm gratitude of warmth
touched my skin with soothing pleasure:
see here, and here, the softness clothes me.
This night approaching has no dark,
stark disturbance all long gone urbane
and, polished brightly as a pin, the light inside:
watch me climb, watch me always reach beyond.
I ventured long and close to find my sanity,
vanity slapped and chastened home
with bread and crisps worthy of eating:
hold disturbance dear and true.
This waking calm tickles as perverse,
inversely proportional, and always in step
and, breaking time in smaller segments, the light inside:
watch me climb, watch me always reach beyond.
I lie bewitched, in dazzlement confined,
refined and orderly as that pin
stuck in justification and mourning:
pleasure me or dispose of this harmony.
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©2004-2009 *jahg
Author's Comments
Recently writing has been more of a challenge than usual, which only serves to encourage me in my efforts.
Comments
 I like but im sorry (actually happy) to say that i have nothing to critique apon in your work ^^
-- =^.^= - "Meow?" Watch out... u have a vampire kitty on ur hands... Muwhahahahaha!!! Thank you very much for reading my work, and for choosing to add this piece to your favourites, I appreciate that very much.
Regards, James  I really like this... I have no real critique for it, unfortunatly (or maybe fortunatly). I LOVE the wording in the fourth stanza, mainly the first two lines. Great piece!
 -- I may have told a lie; but never lived a lie; and never took a life... I could have saved. ur welcome ^^
-- =^.^= - "Meow?" Watch out... u have a vampire kitty on ur hands... Muwhahahahaha!!! For the favourite: thank you very much.
 The fourth stanza was a struggle to write, I came back to it after a few days and it seemed to not be working at all. Several times I threw out what I'd added after stanza three, and rephrased. I'm happy with it as it stands, but I really wanted a suitable word to match "perverse" - "inverse" was where I started, but nothing flowed from there. Thus, inversely is the result.Anyway, I'm glad you like this one. Regards, James  Favourite line:
I ventured long and close to find my sanity, vanity slapped and chastened home with bread and crisps worthy of eating: hold disturbance dear and true. -- The Freudian Slip Macellarius Est If opinions can be lethal, then I am a murderer.  no critique here as well, just simply saying that I think it is amazing...
especially the last stanza, It has a sad tone to it, in general.. very good... A sad or wistful tone was the intention whilst writing, so I'm glad that came through in the words.
You added it to your favourites, thank you very much for that. I'm glad you like it enough to do that, and that the middle stanza should entice you so. A little touch of madness demonstrated in those lines, I think.
Regards, James  The closing line fits this piece like a glove.
  "Recently writing has been more of a challenge than usual, which only serves to encourage me in my efforts." --- *sigh* I've been exactly the same, lately. Everything I write comes out as garbage, and rightly so, ends up in my trash bin.  Although, sometimes every writer must allow him or herself to write absolute rubbish, which is exactly what I've been doing. |
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December 5, 2004
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