The boat went down;
with grasping seaweed hands
the ocean grappled each beloved.
We steam ahead,
swift, and daring as illicit wedding bands.
The boat went down.
Every sculptured deck already dead,
and thwarting choice as bitter lands,
the ocean grappled each beloved.
My Captain's frown
all cloaked in reasonable demands.
The boat went down.
Set out all the rowboats wed
as they are to wives though each unmanned:
the ocean grappled each beloved.
Atlantic gown,
sparkling nebulous delights at us and
the boat went down;
the ocean grappled each beloved.
©2004-2009 *jahg
Details
Submitted: September 10, 2004
File Size: 776 bytes
Image Size: 77.6 KB
Resolution: 614×872
Comments: 81
Favourites & Collections: 7 [who?]
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Total: 311
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Submitted: September 10, 2004
File Size: 776 bytes
Image Size: 77.6 KB
Resolution: 614×872
Comments: 81
Favourites & Collections: 7 [who?]
Views
Total: 311
Today: 0
Downloads
Total: 83
Today: 0
Thumb
Author's Comments
It's an attempt to follow the majority of the villanelle rules as detailed here:
A 19-line poem of fixed form consisting of five tercets and a final quatrain on two rhymes, with the first and third lines of the first tercet repeated alternately as a refrain closing the succeeding stanzas and joined as the final couplet of the quatrain.
Thank dictionary.com for that clear-as-mud definition.
Please offer assistance, I'm stuck with the word grappled as it's exactly what I wish to say, though I seem to be addicted to the word so perhaps one of these alternatives might work better: encased, ensnared, cultivated, raped, or my possible favourite alternative turned which I like because it has a quiet subtle surety about it. Also the rhyme is a little off in the later stanzas. Any and all comments welcome, as per usual.
A 19-line poem of fixed form consisting of five tercets and a final quatrain on two rhymes, with the first and third lines of the first tercet repeated alternately as a refrain closing the succeeding stanzas and joined as the final couplet of the quatrain.
Thank dictionary.com for that clear-as-mud definition.
Please offer assistance, I'm stuck with the word grappled as it's exactly what I wish to say, though I seem to be addicted to the word so perhaps one of these alternatives might work better: encased, ensnared, cultivated, raped, or my possible favourite alternative turned which I like because it has a quiet subtle surety about it. Also the rhyme is a little off in the later stanzas. Any and all comments welcome, as per usual.
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CommentsI really do admire this structure. It certainly has an elusive appeal to it.
In my humble opinion, the word, "grappled" is sufficient enough. It reads fine as it is. If you wish to seek a different word, have you tried [link] for an alternative? By the way, I notice you have the word "ick" scribbled up there on the preview.
  Ah, dear old thesaurus.com, how could I have forgotten thee?
Oh, my. They list "glom onto" as a possible alternative. I rather think that might spoil the flow somewhat.  For the structure, I have to thank Sylvia Plath's poem To Eva Descending the Stair, which has the wonderful first line refrain: Clocks cry: stillness is a lie, my dear.  Yes, I forgot to blot that out on the preview. Shows you just what I thought about that second stanza though, before I wedged the word illicit in there at least.  I think I'll write a poem about a shipwreck...
"The sea.... is a cruel... mistress...." -- -What do you call a government payoff for laying off fishermen? Capital gain for net loss. oh dear what a definition; ah the scenes are painted in my head
 wow the way you structured this is amazing i really like how you us the boat went down in purty much each stanza
-- can something wrong feel right "Glom onto", hmm...What an odd word.
 It would definitely ruin the flow. That's a wonderful poem. Classic!   sparsely points to the word nebulous
COPIER!!  great work, I don't understand the definition either  -- -  parselyVillinelle is hard- I don't understand the style at all- though `darkcrescendo has a terrifying grasp on it. And from what I read, you did it rather freakin' well yourself. Good times!
-- There is no nightmare more potent than a memory, So let the nightmares wash over And the dreaming start again. |
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