I'm going to use this as part of my "Search the Meanings" project. I'm analyzing poetry in English class, and this is a supplimetory (personal) thing.

It's an amazing poem. I love it...truely.



--
There is no nightmare more potent than a memory,
So let the nightmares wash over
And the dreaming start again.

Perfect

Perfect

The documented heart bleached white,

^ When spoken, the effect of the D and T gives it a particularly 'sharp' and paced opening. I like it.

a speared lung-tree gestating soft air,
and a painted face thought forgotten
to the past.

^ There's something about your stanzas, particularly your opening stanzas, which lead the reader to question from the outset. A good thing? I don't know, it certainly wants you to read further. The image of a 'lung-tree' with the air brings a humanoid nature to this, which is effective.



and a string of gutted fish to load yet
before he is done.

This line is irksome. I'm oblivious to the form of this poem (I see it as 'Fixed' which tells me it does have a form), yet the enjambent doesn't quite work as well as the other line breaks. Like you say, all poetry should be spoken, and the first line is too dense and hurried. I'm not entirely sure if that was your intention. It seems like a line that needs a bit of revision.

I've re-read it countless times. It seems 'okay', but not stand-out. Ignore the above.

Decked all in black for the return not made,
disrobed dignity rides the waves to love,

That internal rhyme/assonance made me smile. Subtle and effective.

I left a comment on this poem because I think it's effective, and for a fixed poem, excels in putting a message across without drowning in structure. I noted a couple of 'irks' - 'irks' which are probably renderless due to the form, and me being a bit poetry-ignorant etc.

I enjoyed this, thanks.

wowowowowzorrs x a million. you da best! woot woot D

This is a good one. It's accessible and empathetic.

Only thing that bothers is this:

unclothing each other in pained speed
all eager hands busy.


It's the second of those lines that bothers me. Doesn't compute in my head. I don't know, it's probably only me.

--
gimme all your hopeless hearts

love it

"painted face thought forgotten
to the past."

i love this line only because i've heard it said to me before in differnt words, the poem has wonderful flow and a very emotional but still very powerful vibe to it, nice work

--
__________________________

i underpants you dag pot! anic:

The documented heart bleached white,
a speared lung-tree gestating soft air,
and a painted face thought forgotten
to the past.
- "lung-tree gestating" is kickassish.
- Hmmm ... I think I know what it is that i dislike about "forgotten." Once something is forgotten, it's simply that ... gone. It's not "forgotten / to the past," but cease to be. If you're going to give the memory up, why not give it to the past. Or "resigned"? "resigned / to the past." I like that more. It's like the memory isn't yours anymore, you lost it to the past, but the past could give it back at anytime, which it is obviously doing. Holy ramble by me.

Figures, never meant to straighten curves,
turn traitor for the virgin tryst,
unclothing each other in pained speed
all eager hands busy.
- by this stanza, and the phrase "virgin tryst", I'm guessing you're still talking about the memory of the face you resigned to the past (ie. the first time you made love, not a new time?). If not, you may want to check this for clarity.

The tide carries the heavy love out to sea,
the strength of hands that curled beauty hauling rope,
and the roughness of threading and setting sail
turns eyes inland.
- the second line felt long and wordy.
- "the roughness of threading and setting sail / turns eyes inward" <-- I get it, and I love it. It's visible, though vaugely specific.

- - -

Props to you. You manage to write formally in way that few can (ie. not boring).
Plus, your handwriting is godlike.

You win the w00t-w00t-of-the-day award.
`sk

--
The definition of a poet: [link]
-(HOOKILLSILENTLY)-
I am Hook. But I am not silent.

I just can't seem to shake the image, from stanza two, of those eyes.
Very good stuff indeed

--
Member of :- #britain #DAPensioners .
In vino veritas, nunc est bibendum. - In wine is truth, now we must drink.