That made me shiver.
It's well written, but I really don't like it.

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Member of :- #britain #DAPensioners .
In vino veritas, nunc est bibendum. - In wine is truth, now we must drink.

the ending is so incredibly shocking..I had to gather myself...the twist was effective not cliche and very unexpected....as opposed to every second person pretending their spontaneous and exciting

I love the strong sense of character and personality incorporated into such a small heart..The poem as a whole is so wise and fruitful with intellect and wisdom..it angles at such a way as to really trust an arm out and grasp the readers heart [ or is it that maternal instinct acting up again? ]

as usual there were some phrases in there that really struck me...you have the power of being spontaneous and that incredible ability where you suprise the reader...
really well done. It is both moving and thought provoking.

Sorry If none of that made sense...ive been waving my hands about like a wannabe conductor Listening to yanni..teehee*

Yes, it's definitely out to shock, this one, so shivering is allowed. I have no idea where the subject came from, or why I decided to twist it the way I have. It's good to experiment though, to try alternative subjects and styles, and that's what I'm up to at the moment. I'll try for something a lot lighter in the next piece.

It all makes sense, and I'm pleased to shock and surprise with this one. I was saying to *Rushy that this piece is one of an ongoing series of experiments, and that the next piece will absolutely have to be upbeat!

ooh yessness

[waits]

Im in such a good mood today

...and laughing for no reason

very nice

I had this idea myself once, exceept the end, but I thought it was just too damned creepy to write down so I discarded it. Interesting that you had the same one, and the balls to do it with that superb ending. Really makes your skin crawl lol - nice job

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-StationToStation-

...in a jar...IN A JAR?

jeez that kinda creepy.

"It is cold and lonely in a jar."

Yet again your work kicks ass. This lats line is so powerful and raw

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Happiness: We rarely feel it.
I would buy it, beg it, steal it,
Pay in coins of dripping blood
For this one transcendent good.

I posted a comment on this work before, but it seems that I'm having no luck at all these past few days.

I think this is a great piece of work, particularly the last four lines. Powerful stuff.

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Super pass the time away how go! [link]

remember, she is laughing now
and now i'm nothing...